Venting

My Day

1. Took dog out at 4 am to pee and he took off after a cat, running through frosted grass with no shoes on at 4 am. Lovely.

2. 3 daughters decide to bath shower and run washer at the same time then yell at me when there is no hot water.

3. Finally get all kids to school and get in the shower. Shower head breaks and sends water all over the bathroom. I have to shower downstairs.

4. Daughter forgets she let dog drink lots of water and as we are cleaning up his pee, other daughter chokes on bacon and pukes all over.

I think its time for bed don't you.

long time

So when I originally started this blog I was going to be one of those people who posted every few days. I was going to have great words of wisdom to share with everyone. Well I have no wisdom and no great words. I am just muddling through this life like everyone else. But things are good, maybe even great around our house lately. I have dug myself out of another blue time, which seems to happen about every 6 months. Taking vitamins, and trying to take care of myself is helping. Having a great hubby who is always willing to talk, and who makes me talk things out when he can tell I am upset is also a huge help. Prayer, going to the temple, and looking for a deeper meaning to my life has helped. Choosing to be in my life at this time, doing what I have chosen to do has helped. But sometimes I am still in fear of the next down swing, when everything is so hard. Hoping this time I will stay happy, hoping this time I have found the answers to stay happy. We will see.

Anyway Sydnee was baptized this weekend and it was a very special day. We have wonderful supportive family, and she was so excited. I mean like counting down the days excited. What a great kid she is! Always trying to make someone laugh. Doing her baptism video (a imovie that I have made for each of the girls) reminded me of a lot of things throughout her life, the many broken bones (i think 6 is the total) the fun, and the tongue that she sticks out everytime I have a camera in my hand. She is a wonderful daughter and even though she is the kid I struggle with the most, I truly have a deep love for her.

I am so thankful to all who were there to make the day special for her. And now that I am the happy version of me I will try to post more often.

Quest for happiness!

So last night we had one of those wonderful FHE's where you think you should apply for a job at a zoo, cause you have lots of experience. Or I could direct a play because I am also an expert in drama. Or maybe I could lecture at the college level because I am really good at telling kids something 10 different ways and they still do not listen.

As a direct result of a crazy summer and a crazy start of school, I have officially gone crazy, lost my mind, whatever you want to call it. So I am on a quest to find it (my mind). In trying to work out some of the kinks in our schedule we decided that as a family everyone would right down 10 things they are thankful for as soon as they got up in the morning. I read about it in this great book called "The Noticer" by Andy Andrews. Anyway an old man tells a guy who is always worried about stuff to write down things he is grateful for first thing in the morning. That it will change the way his brain works and looks at things. He also says "The seeds of depression cannot take root in a grateful heart." One of my girls really struggles with looking at the good side of anything. She walks in the kitchen every morning looks for what we don't have and decides that is the only thing she will eat for breakfast. She can tell you every single thing that went wrong with her day, but not one thing that went right. She is the ultimate pessimist and I am determined to help her find ways to be happy before she ends up being just like me. So this morning she wrote down her 10 things, and so did the rest of us and hopefully we as a family can learn to be more grateful and less depressed.

My 10 things I was grateful for today were:

1.Patrick

2. Music

3. Sleep

4. Family

5. Laughter

6. Friends

7. Testimony

8. Church Leaders

9. Rain

10. Home

What are your 10 things today?

10 things

10 things I did this summer:

1. Went on Jeep and 4 wheeler rides in Moab.

2. Went to girls camp.

3. Survived the camp swine flu scare.

4. Went to yellowstone. Favorite part Mammoth Hotsprings.

5. Took a lot of pictures with my new camera.

6. Grew a garden, made bruschetta chicken with my tomatoes and basil tonight.

7. Youth conference. We had a great time staying at my parents house and going to the Martin harris Pageant.

8. Grew shorter than my oldest. Or she grew taller than me.

9. Watched 2 of my daughters get up on wakeboards at Lake Powell. Their smiles when finally getting up were priceless.

10. Had a great and wonderful time vacationing, laughing, and enjoying my family.

And now that summer is officially over I will miss it. School starts in the morning. And Wednesday my baby goes off to preschool.

Wow!

So it's been an amazing summer. We just got back from Lake Powell last night. Traveling to Moab, Yellowstone, and Lake Powell this summer has truly made me recognize what a beautiful world God has given us. I look at the mountains and beauty I am surrounded by differently now. I see the beauty more clearly.

In all of the business and traveling this simmer I also have come to see God more clearly in my life. I have come to see His hands in my life in the small and simple things, and tender mercies he offers me. Lake Powell was incredibly relaxing. I was worried about spending that much time in closed quarters with my family, so I prayed for help to get through the week. I know those prayers were answered. It was like the things that have always bugged me about family members just didn't matter and I was able to be myself and enjoy the fun. I was having such a good time I called Patrick who was home working and convinced him to come down for just a few days. He got to the lake Thursday night. Friday morning my mom fell waterskiing and broke her femur. Although this was a traumatic ordeal we have all embarked on I have clearly seen His hands watching over us. See we only had 2 cars and 13 people but because Patrick had come down the night before we had 3 cars, and my dad was able to drive his car to meet the helicopter in St. George. My sister Kim was planning on going home on Wednesday but her boss sent her an email telling her to stay. If Kim and her hubby had left I would have been on the house boat by myself with 6 kids all day. Also we had parked the house boat in a spot that had cell signal, that can be hard to come by on Lake Powell, so I was able to call 911 and let them know that my mom was coming in the ski boat and they met her at the dock with an ambulance to transport her.

Saturday the rest of us packed up and headed to the marina. We knew a storm was coming but the weather channel didn't sound like it would be that big of a deal. The winds hit hard and fast. We were blessed to have all of our equipment in just the right spot at just the right time. The waverunners were out of the water and on the trailer. The houseboat was tied up to the sewer dump area and perfectly secure and the ski boat was on a beach that was behind a hill that was protecting it. The kids were in the car. Everyone was safe. After the storm calmed we were able to get to the houseboat to the buoy and get the ski boat out of the water just before dark. I am so thankful that it all went ok. We later heard that a houseboat had rolled in the cove we had left earlier that day.

We headed to St. George and spent a few days getting my mom a place to stay for the next week until she can come home. She was released from the hospital last night and is slowly improving. I hope she can sit back and take care of herself and let us take care of her for once. Anyone who has ever heard me talk about my mom knows what an amazing women she is. Always there for us, always taking care of us, and everyone else. She is the most giving person I know. My dad said she started to cry in the hospital and he asked her if she was hurting. She said no that she was crying because she needed to be able to help my sister Jan paint her house. That's my mom for you always thinking about everyone else. Love her.

Confessions of a 30 something drama queen!!

I am tired. Worn out. And I have realized over the past few weeks that I tend to be overly dramatic about most things in my life. I know most of you are thinking "Um yeah we knew that about you". Well I didn't know that about myself until I was being so dramatic about things that I could no longer function. So what's the drama? It all started with girls camp. I tend to go a little overboard on things. I like to make things just how I want them and put way more work and thought into things than I need to. So I was worn out from getting ready for girls camp before I even went. Then we get there the first 2 days are incredibly busy but they go really well. We have a few girls with colds and stuff but no big deal. Then by tuesday night one of the girls was really not feeling well. I thought she was just homesick but when I went to check on her she was under four blankets and had goosebumps. So we loaded her up with one of the leaders who was leaving and sent her home. Later we found out that she had tested positive for swine flu. So for some people thats stressful, but you deal with it. For me it was complete meltdown, face your greatest anxiety, freak out, and lose it. Just to give you an idea when I heard that they cancelled school in park city for swine flu I took my kids out of school and went and stayed with my mom for 5 days. For some reason I have anxiety/panic attacks when it comes to getting sick. I realize I am over dramatic when it comes to the whole illness thing, but honestly I don't know how to change it. Anyway so here I am in camp with 11 girls in my cabin who have been exposed to the flu. I struggled a lot over that week. By Thursday night I was having full on panic attacks and struggling to stand at times. However I learned a lot about myself that week. I learned that I am actually stronger than I thought I was. I also learned that my Heavenly Father is always there for me. And although he may not take away my struggles or the things that scare me most, he is there to show me how to get through them. I also learned how much I love the girls and the leaders I work with. As I loaded this sick little girl in the car I cried for her. I cried for how much I knew she wanted to be at camp, I cried because I was worried about her, and I cried because I realized how much I love her and cared about her and each one of the girls in camp that night. I have 11 little beehives now. I love each one. I wish I was better at telling them that. I hope they know it. I also learned, again, what a wonderful husband I have. He was there to talk to me and calm me down. He hauled all of us and all our stuff up there, he came up and stayed the night, he loaded us all up and took us home. He was as always my rock.

So girls camp this year will probably never be forgotten. Melissa says it will go down in history as the year of the swine. Oh well I am slowly moving on. The panic attacks are going away. I am starting to laugh about it. I am learning that I need to stop being so dramatic about everything and need to just find logical ways of dealing with things. We survived, and actually no one else got sick. I am so thankful for that miracle. And many other small little miracles that happened that week to get us all through it.

Forever.

So I haven't posted for a long time. Still waiting for lazy days of summer. They are not coming. Don't think they will happen this year. We went to Moab over father's day weekend. It was a total blast. We rented jeeps for a couple days and took 4 wheelers also. My parents and my sister Jill and her family came with us. With 8 kids total it could of been a disaster but the kids were all great. We stayed at a place that the pool was open til 11 so we could come back after dinner and let the kids swim. The red rocks are so beautiful down there. Patrick gave me a new camera for my birthday just before we left so I had a blast taking tons of pictures.

When we got back T had dance camp and K had basketball camp. B and S are doing reading tutoring this summer daily, and now they are all in swim lessons for the next week. I leave for girls camp the 13th of july for a week. Then we are home for a few days and leave for Yellowstone. We are renting a cabin and Jill's family is coming with us. Should be fun. We will take the 4-wheelers with us again.

Then we have S 8th birthday, youth conference, baby showers, helping family members that are moving, and maybe a trip to lake powell. Busy, crazy, and a lot of fun. Today we did a major over haul of the three storage rooms in the basement. Cleaning out stuff that had been there since we moved in. It was a huge project, but I am excited to have it done. The kids were a huge help. Just have to load the trailer and haul a bunch of stuff to the DI. Woohoo. Tonight, we did a fire pit and had hot dogs and roasted marshmallows it was so fun and relaxing to just sit by the fire. Ainslee thought that smores were the most wonderful thing she had ever tasted. She makes every moment funny. Today she announced to me "Hey mom guess what I went poops and peeps at the same time. I have a magic little bum huh" I was rolling, I was laughing so hard. Yep Ains that is one magical little bum you got there.

Friends

Gotta have them.  Really the last few days I have realized how important it is for women to have friends outside of their family.  Sometimes we need help that family can't give.  Sometimes we need help understanding our families.  Sometimes we just need to vent about our lives without having our family members judging us.  I love having friends,  this past week I have helped a friend move, took some friends away to the cabin for a getaway, and went to a friends party from a playgroup we started 9 years and 3 kids ago.  Even though the playgroup people have mostly moved on to other cities we still try to get together once or twice a year, and we are still the best of friends.  We got each other through the rough not sleeping, little baby, pregnant years.  Now we are old, we are spending more time in the car than at the changing table,  but we are still bound together from those years of helping each other just get through the day.

Life has been crazy, last week we super deep cleaned the house for 2 days including closets and the toy room.  We had a bbq for a friend with 70 people.  I did a young women combined craft project at my house, went to work, helped a friend move for 3 days, went to ward temple night, went to a playgroup party, church, and an overnighter with two other families at the cabin.  To say the least I am a little tired.  Ready for the lazy days of summer.  But I have seen so many blessings over the past week, I have had people show up to help me, my kids were wonderfully helpful through it all, Patrick as always has been my rock always there right when I need him, I have had deep meaningful conversations with friends, I have felt my testimony grow and been touched very deeply by the spirit. Through it all though crazy and busy I have come out the end a better person, a stronger person, with better relationships with the people around me.

Letting Go!

I read the following in a book I love today, the message I got was an answer to a prayer, thought I would share it:

To let go doesn't mean to stop caring; it means I can't do it for someone else.

To let go is not to cut myself off; it is the realization that I can't control another.

To let go is not to enable, but to allow learning from natural consequences.

To let go is to admit powerlessness, which means the outcome is not in my hands.

To let go is not to try to change or blame another; I can only change myself.

To let go is not to care for; but to care about.

To let go is not to fix, but to be supportive.

To let go is not to judge, but to allow another to be a human being.

To let go is not to be in the middle arranging outcomes, but to allow others to effect their own outcomes.

To let go is not to be protective; it is to permit another to face reality.

To let go is not to deny, but to accept.

To let go is not to nag, scold, or argue, but to search out my own shortcomings and to correct them.

To let go is not to adjust everything to my desires, but to take each day as it comes and to cherish the moment.

To let go is not to criticize and regulate anyone, but to try to become what I dream I can be.

To let go is not to regret the past, but to grow and live for the future.

To let go is to fear less and love more.

( from the book Toss the Guilt and Catch the Joy by Merrilee Boyack)

Girl Drama!!

Oh yes we have it.  Lots of it.  Most of it comes from me, but the kids put in their fair share.  Ainslee is at the height of her I am 4, and the youngest, so give me what I want or I will cry stage.  The other day she cried for 45 minutes cause she didn't want to clean her room.  When she finally stopped it took her 5 minutes to clean.  So the drama.

Kasadee is in the middle of her first knock down drag out get everyone involved junior high friend fight.  Oh my you couldn't pay me to go back to those years.  It was hard enough going through it myself.  It's awful to watch your daughter go through it.  Will someone please Kill the drama!!

School is out in two days.  I can't wait to not have to find clothes and do hair everyday.  I can't wait til the wear your flip flops, no mating socks anymore, days.  The girls are growing up.  I am getting old.  And the older we get around here the more drama we have.

How is that for a nice rambling really no point post?

Ups and downs

So mother's day was wonderful.  There was only one moment when I was sitting in church and and one of the girls started to cry because she didn't like who she was sitting by that I thought "can't they just be decent for me on mother's day"  but I made myself stop.  Just said nope you are not having a pity party this year, nock it off.  It worked.  I really had a great day.  It's amazing how changing your attitude about something can make a difference.  I gave the kids little gifts with their letters.  They loved them.  My sisters kids asked why they didn't get presents for mother's day.  Sorry Jill.

Anyway my good friend and neighbor is moving in two weeks after a recent divorce.  I am sad to see her go.  Sometimes I wonder why I am so blessed and life is such a struggle for others.  Don't get me wrong I have had my struggles, but nothing compared to what some people have to go through.  I am just so thankful for all that I have, and all that I am.

So today we did not go to the gym.  First day (other than the day no one showed up to unlock the doors, and Sundays)  In a month.  Patrick wasn't feeling well, and honestly I really needed the sleep.  I finally went and bought a battery for the scale today.  I am down 6 lbs.  Yes I wanted it to be more, but 6 lbs is 6 lbs.  Not bad for a month.

Letters to my daughters.

I wrote these letters to give each of my girls for mother's day.  Part of my celebrating being their mom instead of guilt and anger (see post about mother's day).  Anyway I thought I would post them.

Kas,

Wow my oldest daughter, no longer a little girl but a beautiful young women.  I am always so hard on you.  I am sorry for that.  There are so many things that I love about you.  You work so hard, at everything you do.  I love that I can always count on you.  I love that you know who you are and that you can just be comfortable being you.  I love that you don’t try to be someone your not.  You are such a sweet and loving big sister to all of your little sisters.  Always remember how much your heavenly father loves you.  Always remember how much I love you, you were my first little girl.  Loving you taught me how to be a mom.  And with every new experience we have you are still teaching me how to be a better mom.  Thanks for being the oldest and breaking me in for the rest of your sisters.

T,

I could go on and on about what a true joy it is to be your mom.  I see so much of myself in you.  I love how responsible and mature you are.  I love that I can always ask you to help pick out an outfit,  (even if it’s for me).  I love how hard you work., and how hard you work to make everyone happy.  I love your cute little freckles, and your curly hair.  If I could tell you one thing in this world it would be that you don’t have to be perfect.  You need to not be so hard on yourself.  It really is ok to make a mistake, everyone does.  Just believe in who you are and what a wonderful daughter you are.  I am so proud of you and all that you do.  I love you like crazy daisy.

Boo,

You are a sweetheart.  I love how deeply you care about people.  I love that you are so concerned about those around you that sometimes you cry just because they are hurting.  That shows how sweet you are.  I love your smile.  I love the way you giggle and play with Ainslee (even if you are supposed to be in bed).  I love the way that you laugh before someone tickles you.  I love your quiet sweet personality.  But most of all I love you, just the way you are, each and every day of your life.  Always have, always will.

Squid,

What a joy it is to be your mother.  I love it when you make me laugh, and then you laugh too and your whole face lights up.   I love the joy that you have in playing with friends, and your sisters.  I love how hard you work at doing your homework all by yourself.  You are a beautiful girl with the most wonderful blue eyes I have ever seen.  Thank you for being my daughter, for making me laugh, for keeping me on my toes, for always saying what’s in your heart.  I love you with all my heart.

Ainy Wainy,

Thank you for being my sweet baby girl.  You have made me smile everyday since the day you were born.  You have a gift of making everyone enjoy life.  You are smart and sweet and love your sisters with all your heart.  Thank you for staying home with me everyday and letting me take naps, and eating lunch with me.  I love you very very much.  More than I could ever tell you.

I love being their mom.  More now than ever.  A while ago I heard somewhere that we should pray for help in loving our kids.  Although I have always loved my kids, praying to love them has helped me love them more.  It has helped me see them with more love and be able to understand what it is that they need.  So daily I pray for help to love my kids.  And that love is becoming stronger and more real.  So Happy Mother's day to all you mothers out there.  Celebrate the day with joy.  Find a way.  Don't spend the day beating yourself up.  You are doing the best you can.  You have done the best you could.  And you are loved and appreciated.

The journey!

Haven't posted for awhile.  Just couldn't put together my thought to know what to say.  Today marks three weeks at the gym for Patrick and I.  WooHoo.  Never thought I would make it that far.  Haven't weighed yet.  We are waiting to the one month mark to get a new battery for the scale.  Just don't want to be disappointed and give up.  It really has been fun.  A totally new world for me.  Going to bed before midnight.  Getting up before the sun.  Starting to see things differently.  Totally appreciate people who smile.  When you go to a gym, smile at people.  None of you are thrilled to be there but a simple smile makes it better for everyone.  Love the people who smile at me.  Love the guy who started coming this week who inspires me.  He has a brace on one leg and walks with two canes.  He is young, I am guessing he got in a wreck of some kind.  Anyway his legs are extremely skinny, no muscle at all.  He comes and takes his brace off and works so hard.  When he does the waits on his legs he has them on the lightest weight and he still has to help pull them with his hands.  Then he gets on the treadmill and he walks,  he has to hold himself up with the rails, but he walks.  It is inspiring.  Some people have to push so hard.  Some do it well, others like me, often give up.  Monday was bad for me.  I wanted to give up.  I told Patrick the only thing I was getting out of it was being really tired and hurting.  Then this guy came in.  I can't complain anymore.  I so appreciate the fact that Patrick is there doing this with me.  He keeps me going.  He always has.  He probably always will.  

Struggling to keep everything going sometimes.  Trying to find balance between trying to have a "perfect day" and a "get nothing done sit on the couch and pout cause I can't do it all" day.  I tend to do everything in extremes.  I need to find a happy medium.  Not sure what that is for me.  

Still I find myself incredibly blessed.  I have a wonderful husband, great kids, Patrick has a great job that he loves, we are surrounded by great family.  There are lots right in my little neighborhood,  who don't have these things, who are struggling everyday.  My hearts aches for them.  I want to fix things for them.  I can't and that's hard.  These are people who I care about.  I do all I can, wish I could do more, and just count my blessings and thank my Heavenly Father for them.  

Try a little harder to be little better. Gordon B Hinckley

Incredible blessings and underlying fears!

So I mentioned that Patrick and I joined a gym last week. So far we have gone every morning at 6 am but Sunday! I have to say it has been great. It feels great. I feel much better, and last night we went to bed at 9:30. Never done that early, not since we got married. We were both tired and just went to sleep. Life has honestly been almost perfect this last week. The kids are better in the morning cause I am up and going and am much happier than when I just roll out of bed to do their hair. The house is cleaner. The laundry is done. I have gotten lots of little projects done like cleaning the garage and my closet. I am happier about who I am. Life is busy but really its great.

So what's the problem? I have been here before. I have had moments of greatness before. Never joined a gym before, but moments of treadmill and dieting and clean house. The problem is they always end. I always end up getting tired and feel like I am doing everything alone and I quit exercising and give up. No my house doesn't get gross (most of the time) but I just slow down and crash. How do I make this time different? In some ways it already is different. I have a hubby who is right there at the gym with me every morning. Because we are going early in the morning, me being gone seems to benefit my kids, not put stress on them. So it's not like I am choosing me over them. Also, I have this lady I work with in young womens who I really admire and she is there every morning to. She is someone who I really look up to and every time she sees me there she gets this big smile, the kind of smile a proud parent gets, and I know she is proud of me for taking this step in my life. All of these things are different this time. But I am still gripped by a fear that I will give up again, and sink back into that place where I hate myself. I say a prayer everyday thanking my heavenly father for this opportunity, and for help to keep it going. Hopefully it will last, 'cause I really have never been happier.

Mother's Day

No it's not next week.  But with May being just around the corner I begin to worry.  I hate mothers day.  I go from this range of emotions of they don't even appreciate me to they shouldn't even celebrate this day because I am a horrible mother.  And it's on a Sunday so its just another day to do hair, find tights, and shoes for church. It's not a fun day for me or for anyone else around me.  So last year I was complaining to a friend about it and she told me to knock it off.  She said that her mother would pout every mothers day and ruined it for everyone.

So this year I am trying to "knock it off"  and have a better day.  I looked up some things on lds.org and found that one mother decided to write her kids a note about what she loved about them and included a ticket for a outing with mom.  I like this idea.  It turns mother's day more into me celebrating what being a mom means to me.  I started the letters this morning, Kind of an interesting process.  It really makes me look at my kids differently when I am looking for and thinking of the things I love about them most.  

If anyone has any other suggestions let me know.  I would love to hear them.

Climb!

What a wonderful day.  I know that sounds lame but today was really great.  It was the first weekend day in over two months that we didn't have anything major planned.  So we cleaned the garage, put up the trampoline, I ran to a gardening class for a minute, we took down the rest of the christmas lights, and then we went to the Hannah Montana movie with the girls.  Kasadee couldn't go because she came down with strep this afternoon, but it was really a good show.  It had a good message some really neat songs and just a fun thing to do with my girls.  Oh and I also took a little nap while Patrick made dinner.  It really was a perfect day.

There was a song in the movie called climb.  For some reason it the words to this song touched me so deeply.  I was bawling in the movie theatre.  The words talk about climbing the hills in our lives and how we doubt ourselves but we just have to have the faith to climb them.  That we have to be strong and its not about how we climb them or how fast or even what the hills are, we just have to be strong enough and believe in ourselves enough to climb.  This song is a lot about my life right now.  Patrick and I joined a gym on Thursday.  I had a total and complete meltdown this week about some incidences that happened with my weight over the last few weeks, and I am feeling like I might have found some answers to be able to climb this hill (or these rolls).  Anyway, the song just hit me that I can climb this hill, I just have to be strong.  I always give up on myself.  I always beat myself  up, but this time I feel like with the support of a wonderful husband, and my heavenly father, and a lot of faith, I will be strong enough to climb.  Sorry for the ramble it may not make any sense but I just had to write it down to look back on on the days I want to give up.

Vegas!

So if you have read my last few posts, ok I know there are only a few, you would see that I was getting a little frazzled with life.  So my wonderful hubby decided to surprise me with a trip to Vegas over spring break.  We just got back last night and it was wonnnnderfull!  We talked, relaxed, laughed, watched people, went to shows, walked, sat by the pool, and just enjoyed a much needed break together.  Happiness really is being married to your best friend.  Thanks, Patrick I didn't realize how bad I needed to get away until we were gone.  

My wonderful mother watched the girls while we were gone and took them skiing every day.  She really is an amazing women.  

Kasadee is on a science trip to Florida this week.  She called last night and said she found out she is allergic to squid.  They were dissecting them and her arms and hands swelled up.  But she is having a wonderful time and it is a great experience for her.  The other night she said she was starting to get a little homesick.  I told her to fight with one of her roommates and go clean a toilet and she would feel right at home.  She doesn't think I am funny.  Good thing I do.

I am still trying to figure out what to get Ainslee for her birthday.  I can't believe my baby will be 4 on Saturday.  She is a wonderful child.  She puts a smile on everyones face.  The other day Patrick and I took her to breakfast and when they brought out her pancake she says "now thats what I'm talkin about".  Yes I am perfectly aware that she watches too much TV.  But she is my 5th child not my 1st.

life in the fast lane

So I haven't posted since our weekend trip.  I really want to keep my blog positive.  Mostly for myself.  It's like therapy I guess trying to write down only the good things in my life.  So lets just say the weekend getaway was really good because I have never been so happy to get home to see my husband and kids.

So the kids had Monday off so we stayed at gramee's until monday night.  Then Tuesday I literally just laid around the house all day recuperating from a emotionally and physically draining weekend.  I should have got more done on Tuesday because I haven't been home since.  Oh and Tuesday was also the day that they had to evacuate Patrick's work because of a gas leak.  He didn't get home until after 8.  Wednesday we had dentist, dance, babysitting, more dance, then YW.  Thursday I went to deer valley to help my mom with some stuff, came home went to K's science fair stuff in provo, took T to dance, went back to provo for more K science fair, then got home way too late.  Friday I worked, got home and took the kids to Deer Valley to ski with gramee Saturday, then came home and went to sis's house to watch her little boy while she took her hubby to the ER. (back pain, he's having surgery next week).  

So it is helpful for me to write that all down and realize why the wash looks like mount washmore, the kitchen floor looks like a chuck a rama buffet, and something in the fridge doesn't smell very good.  Time to clean, get my lesson ready for tomorrow, wash lots of clothes, try to decide what we are doing for spring break, and all while hubby is gone to Logan again to help my dad.  They have to be out of the Logan Coach building by Monday.  I will be glad when that is over.  Not as glad as my dad though, I think he has been working 20 hour days for more than a month now, I am getting worried about him.  

I keep thinking someday things are going to slow down.  But they aren't and I just need to get used to them.  I really do have a great life.  I just get bogged down by the details a lot.  I am really looking forward to next weekend.  Watching conference and chilling with the kids.  

I am off to the land of gross, to make it shine. (well at least livable)

I'm going to Boise, Idaho!!

Oh the excitement.  Actually my mom and two of my sisters, one of my aunts, and my grandma are all loading up in our suburban and heading out tonight.  We are going to the Utah State NCAA game Friday morning.  Go AGGIES!!  Anyway it should be pretty fun.  We are staying at my cousins house and just crashing on her floor.    We decided that since the guys are working hard taking down the Logan Coach plant, we should take a girls weekend.  After this week of having Patrick gone,  Toree having a sinus infection, Dance pictures for 4 girls, and Young Womens combined being at my house, I am really looking forward to the break.  The girls were all in tears about me leaving this morning, but I have come to the point in my life where I realize that it is important for me to get away every once in a while.  It makes me a better mom.

My grandma is quite the lady.  She is 92 years old and still a huge Aggie fan.  She sits on the front row at every basketball game and has for as long as I can remember.  Her attitude about life is amazing.  Just a year ago this week she had two heart attacks.  The first happened while she was at the temple.  They didn't think she would make it through the week.  Then they said that there was enough damage to her heart that she wouldn't last a year.  Well she not only lasted she has thrived.  She still goes to the temple every week and stays as long as my mom will stay with her.  A couple of weeks ago she got a wild idea to see how many sessions she and my mom could do in one day.  She made it to 8 sessions.  I was talking to one of her neighbors about it the other day and she said that when grandma does finally go the hillsides will be covered with the people that she has gone to the temple for,  welcoming her home and thanking her.  I just loved the image and idea of that.  She says she is going to live to 114.  And she is just stubborn enough to do it.   Grandma you go girl!!!

Happiness is...

Happiness is....

Teaching your 3 year old how to wink, and watching her practice on her older sisters.  "What's wrong with your eye?"

Watching your daughters (Ainslee, Bailee, and Kasadee)  make up a synchronized dance while sitting at the counter.  Bounce, bounce, lean, bounce, bounce, lean.  too cute.

Being married to your best friend, and realizing how much you miss him making you laugh when he's been gone for four days.

Kids who help me clean the house, sometimes even without complaining.

Sisters who will drop everything, when I need them.  Even when they have kids and family of their own to take care of.

Being debt free, other than the house, and learning (slowly) to save.

Having five daughters, who love, laugh, giggle, fight and squeal.  Even though its not all fun, its my life and its wonderful and beautiful.

Having a testimony, realizing that its grows everyday, and finding ways to make it even stronger.

Family prayer.

Chocolate muffins,  my kids eat them faster than I do, so I only get one, and don't have to eat them all.

Finally, to quote Dave Ramsey "happiness is where you are right now.  Claim it for yourself."

Cleaning the toy room AAAHHH!!!

So I hate this job.  I didn't make the mess.  However most of the stuff I was dumb enough to buy.  About every six months I make the kids sort through all the toys and organize them and then throw out all the junk we want.  There is not a nice way to do this process.  It always involves crying, screaming, flopping on the ground, complete meltdowns(and thats just what I do to get them to help me).  I have come to the realization again that our kids have too much stuff.  So I am giving away the barbies.  All of them.  I hate barbies, now I know why even though there were six girls in my family growing up, we never had barbies.  They are always naked,  their hair only looks nice while they are still in the box, and only the kids who don't help clean up like to play with them.  So they are in the DI pile.  I also realized that my kids don't take very good care of their stuff.  Nice expensive American Girl stuff is crammed in the bottom of some bin all wrinkled and ruined.  It makes me want to beat them.  Not sure how to teach them to have more respect for it.  Maybe I will take it all away from them for a little while,  that should be fun FOR ME!!  Just rambling, honestly we only went through half of the bins today and we will do the other half another day.  Last time we did it we made this great big pile of all their toys in the middle of the room, but it was just too much to do all at once.  It might be a week before we get to the rest.  It only took 2 hours but you would have thought it was the longest 2 hours of their lives.

Anyway Patrick is out of town for most of the week.  He is in Logan helping my dad for his spring break, fun huh.  What a great guy.  He is totally willing to drop everything and help anyone who needs it.  Most of the time its me.  I am needy.  

So I like to do big home improvement projects when Patrick is gone.  Last time he left I painted the front room.  It just keeps me occupied since I don't sleep much when he is not here.  Well we are trying to be good with saving and budget this month and so I really don't have the money for a project, but if I did I really want to put up a big shelf all around the top of Bailee and Ainslee's room and then paint it light blue and purple.  It would be really cute with their bedspreads.  Oh well the ceilings in the bedrooms are to high for me to do it without Patrick's help anyway.

Teaching a YW lesson tomorrow on honoring your parents.  Should be fun.  Since I don't think you truly understand and respect your parents until you are a parent yourself.  Then you realize that they were just doing the best they could and they were actually incredibly wonderful people who loved you a lot.  I also need to write Ainslee's talk today.  I asked her what she wanted to talk about this morning and she said "I don't know.  Maybe Jesus Christ"  Too cute.

I need to post some more pictures but they are all on Patrick's computer.  Someday I will get them up.

Sleep Please!

Will someone please tell my 3 year old to go to sleep. I have tried. Its not working. Everytime I tell her to sleep Ainslee says "I love you mommy". How am I supposed to argue with that statement? In primary on Sunday she was walking up to the front to help with something and a little boy in her class leaned over to his teacher and said "isn't she beautiful". Apparently, she is good at getting all people wrapped around her little finger, not just her parents.

We went to the Draper temple open house today for YW/YM activity. It was fun but not as meaningful as when Patrick and I took the girls a few weeks ago. It was really nice to be in the celestial room with Patrick and the girls. Also, being a mother of five daughters kind of makes me partial to the brides room. It was really pretty.