Incredible blessings and underlying fears!

So I mentioned that Patrick and I joined a gym last week. So far we have gone every morning at 6 am but Sunday! I have to say it has been great. It feels great. I feel much better, and last night we went to bed at 9:30. Never done that early, not since we got married. We were both tired and just went to sleep. Life has honestly been almost perfect this last week. The kids are better in the morning cause I am up and going and am much happier than when I just roll out of bed to do their hair. The house is cleaner. The laundry is done. I have gotten lots of little projects done like cleaning the garage and my closet. I am happier about who I am. Life is busy but really its great.

So what's the problem? I have been here before. I have had moments of greatness before. Never joined a gym before, but moments of treadmill and dieting and clean house. The problem is they always end. I always end up getting tired and feel like I am doing everything alone and I quit exercising and give up. No my house doesn't get gross (most of the time) but I just slow down and crash. How do I make this time different? In some ways it already is different. I have a hubby who is right there at the gym with me every morning. Because we are going early in the morning, me being gone seems to benefit my kids, not put stress on them. So it's not like I am choosing me over them. Also, I have this lady I work with in young womens who I really admire and she is there every morning to. She is someone who I really look up to and every time she sees me there she gets this big smile, the kind of smile a proud parent gets, and I know she is proud of me for taking this step in my life. All of these things are different this time. But I am still gripped by a fear that I will give up again, and sink back into that place where I hate myself. I say a prayer everyday thanking my heavenly father for this opportunity, and for help to keep it going. Hopefully it will last, 'cause I really have never been happier.